Lance the Turtle
Lance the Turtle is the twentieth song of Silly Songs with Larry. Bob is forced to sing a song with the Wiggly Turtle Toobies. Confused and completely unprepared, Bob sings the lyrics. Preceded by: Gated Community Followed by: A Mess Down In Egypt Lyrics Announcer: And now it's time for Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. The part of the show when Bob comes out and sings an Ukulele Karaoke. Bob: Uh, what's going on? (Jean-Claude comes in) Jean-Claude: You're doing the Ukulele Karaoke, no? Bob: No, I'm on a break. This is the Pirates'— Jean-Claude: They are busy with the rest of the show. Bob: B-But I don't even know the song. (Jean-Claude gives Bob lyrics) Jean-Claude: Your lyrics, monsieur. (to Phillipe) Bring in the props! Bob: But- Phillipe: Wakiki! (palm tree prop, volcano prop, and lamp falls in) (Phillipe comes in with fan) Your island breeze, monsieur! Bob: Hold on a sec! I'm totally unprepared to do a solo! (WTT come in) Jean-Claude: Your back-up singers. Bob: What? Isn't that the- Jean-Claude: Oui, they are the Wiggly Turtle Toobies. Bob: The Wiggly Turtle Toobies? They look taller on TV. WTT: So do you, tomato! Bob: But really, this is Larry's gig! I can't just— Jean-Claude: The show must go on, monsieur! (music begins) Quick, that is your cue! Just follow along, you will be fine. Bob: But— WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Bob: Well, I keep a little turtle at my Uncle and my Aunt's. My auntie's name is Myrtle, and my island turtle's name is Lance. He doesn't wander far, even if he has a chance. He just plays his ukulele and he does the hula dance. ...what? WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Bob: He threw a luau barbecue one breezy summer night. (Phillipe turns on fan) Invited all his turtle pals to come and have a wiki bite. The turtles started walking there as Lance began to swing. The one who lived across the street arrived there in the Spring. Oh, I get it! Turtles are slow, so it took him a long time. That's pretty good. WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Bob: But Lance just kept on cooking, he was grilling full of glee. (sits on chair) He was marinating ribs cause he liked— (lyrics unintentionally shred through fan, along with his newspaper) Uh... (reading pieces of lyrics) Syrup with his feta cheese? I-I'm sorry, I— (Jean-Claude and Phillipe tape up lyrics and newspaper as two sheets and give them to Bob) Lance's purple turtle shell has ketchup if you please. Pineapples are shiny! Spotted tiki bumblebees?! Oh, man! WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Bob: Wait a minute. Guys, I don't think this is right. It doesn't make any sense. Phillipe: It works for us! Ha-ha! Bob: But- Jean-Claude: The song! The song! Bob: Uh... There are luscious chocolate fingers, spinning slowly in the school. Mele Kalikimaka. Fluffy bunnies driving in the pool. Uh, Larry?! Thousand igloos wax the beach, spray luggage in the tree. Raining puppies, flying clowns. Flossing punahele- (hula dancer falls on Bob) Ow! Oh, forget it. (Bob leaves) Phillipe: Oh-ho! Lapoka sneezes coconuts. Tahiti yo-yo leg. Wahine with spaghetti sauce, don't make the fuzzy parrot beg. Jean-Claude: Paper, plastic porcupine. The horsey makes his bed. The humu-humu-nuku-nuku-apua'ua wasn't fed. WTT: Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. (continuing under dialogue) Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance. Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance. Lance the Turtle... Announcer: This has been Ukulele Karaoke with Bob. Tune in next time when Bob says: Bob: I'll be in my dressing room. WTT: Dance-dance-dance.